Lucky Number Slevin

Sometimes I throw around the phrase "MTV Movie" to describe a movie that sucks more ass than your general shitty mid-summer romp at the multiplex.

I'm not referring exclusively to films that are churned out by that soul-destroying network's film division, MTV Films, but rather a very specific style in filmmaking. And this style has unfortunately become the standard for modern mainstream flicks coming out of Hollywood.

MTV Movies tend to be flashy, loud, quick and feature a "kick ass" soundtrack, some big big titties, lots of beautiful people, and any of the following; profound messages about life that don't mean anything, sassy off the cuff pop culture references, saw that shit coming in 1992 twists, and dialogue that is more self aware than most of the film's viewers.

Remember that piece of shit "Varsity Blues"? That turd fits the bill pretty well and is ironically produced by MTV films, but once again that is not the qualifier (think of how all jocks don't necessarily have to play or even care about organized sports).

Well "Lucky Number Slevin" is without question one such film.

"Lucky Number Slevin" tells the story of Slevin (Josh Hartnett), a down on his luck slacker who blows into New York City on a whim and gets caught up in the seedy world of gangsters, guns, and gay sons. This all happens on account of an unfortunate case of mistaken identity. So he's forced to contend with a curious neighbor (Lucy Liu), two local crime lords looking to collect a steep debt (Ben Kingsley and Morgan Freeman), one of the world's top assassins (Bruce Willis) and a nosey cop (Stanley Tucci). From there the story twists and turns all over the place, but don't worry, every little detail is painstakingly accounted for in the conclusion. But despite some entertaining moments Slevin fails to ever really grab your attention.

Don't get me wrong; Slevin is no "Art of War" or "Tomb Raider". You won't be castrating yourself come the inciting incident, but you might be in search of a sharp instrument.

So what went wrong? Good question. The film sports a stellar cast, most of whom fire on all cylinders; Ben Kingsley, Morgan Freeman, Stanley Tucci, Bruce Willis, Lucy Liu, the bald bomb tech guy from Die Hard 3, um, Josh Hartnet... Yeah... But to be fair Hartnet isn't pulling his usual mopey hunk routine this time around. He actually gives some dimension to the oddly named protagonist. Frankly, the actors weren't the problem.

My main issue is with writer Jason Smilovic. His script is too hip, too witty, it's a dizzying world of "check out how wacky we are" characters who all spit incredibly well timed quips and absurd musings on life at each other. Usually this sort of thing works in a good piece of noir or neo-noir (see: Pulp Fiction, Chinatown, Sin City, LA Confidential, etc), but in Slevin's case the whole thing falls flat and comes off more contrived than creative. Not to mention the fact that many of the films lines provoke an often-unintentional laugh.

McGuigan's direction is decent but if you've seen some of his previous work, especially Gangster No. 1, then you're more than likely familiar with his bag of tricks (dying guy's perspective cam, hyper stylized graphic violence, vibrant colors, awkward jump cuts) that have a tendency to feel a lot like Guy Ritchie's bag of tricks after two or three lines of aderol.

I have a simple request, can directors please stop using CGI renders to do impossible camera moves? It makes me feel like I'm playing a Sega CD game. Yeah, I know, it was really cool the first few times the camera shot through the building in Fight Club and what not, but in 2006 it's really lost its bite.

Lucky Number Slevin certainly isn't the worst thing you'll see this year, but you'll probably forget the entire thing once the credits start to roll. Yeah, it's that kind of movie.