"My Stomach is a Pharmacy"
After a few horrifying weeks of withdrawal and paranoia I'm happy to say that things are still a gigantic fucking mess in my skull.
These new drugs either don't work or they specialize in making the user so anxiety-ridden that they are forced to confront the false conspiracies that aren't really occurring around them (or are they?).
So here are some of my favorite thoughts from the past few weeks:
SITUATION: A car slowly passes me twice in an empty supermarket parking lot across the street from my friend's apartment. When I return to my car to get something the car is sitting still and shining its headlights onto my friend's doorstep.
CONCLUSION: Undercover cops and/or government agents and/or angry enemies of my friends have arrived to do horrible things to us all.
SITUATION: On a three lane road, two black SUVs pull up on either side of me and we all run parallel for about 1/10th of a mile. We are heading for a bridge.
CONCLUSION: I am about to be the random car on the bridge during a heavy firepower high octane prison break/drug deal with helicopters/government sponsored assassination, and thus will be killed.
SITUATION: At the supermarket today, as I use the self scanner, a surly man passes by and we lock eyes.
CONCLUSION: Great. Now I have to kill someone tonight.
SITUATION: Eating a slice of pizza in a nearby grease joint. The cheese on said pizza is especially sloppy.
CONCLUSION: Here comes the nuclear firestorm.
These wonder drugs also make constant sounds, like a train passing or an air conditioner humming, fluctuate. This might not seem like a big deal, but such an agressive fluctuation causes a significant ammount of disorientation and may result in serial pet murder and/or runing to the arms of the sweet salvia plant for relief.
I count my first world blessings that At I have a prescription the world's craziest legal drug, Ambien, to make the screaming stop long enough for me to get cooked and sleep well.
After a few horrifying weeks of withdrawal and paranoia I'm happy to say that things are still a gigantic fucking mess in my skull.
These new drugs either don't work or they specialize in making the user so anxiety-ridden that they are forced to confront the false conspiracies that aren't really occurring around them (or are they?).So here are some of my favorite thoughts from the past few weeks:SITUATION: A car slowly passes me twice in an empty supermarket parking lot across the street from my friend's apartment. When I return to my car to get something the car is sitting still and shining its headlights onto my friend's doorstep.
CONCLUSION: Undercover cops and/or government agents and/or angry enemies of my friends have arrived to do horrible things to us all.SITUATION: On a three lane road, two black SUVs pull up on either side of me and we all run parallel for about 1/10th of a mile. We are heading for a bridge.
CONCLUSION: I am about to be the random car on the bridge during a heavy firepower high octane prison break/drug deal with helicopters/government sponsored assassination, and thus will be killed.
SITUATION: At the supermarket today, as I use the self scanner, a surly man passes by and we lock eyes.
CONCLUSION: Great. Now I have to kill someone tonight.SITUATION: Eating a slice of pizza in a nearby grease joint. The cheese on said pizza is especially sloppy.
CONCLUSION: Here comes the nuclear firestorm.These wonder drugs also make constant sounds, like a train passing or an air conditioner humming, fluctuate. This might not seem like a big deal, but such an agressive fluctuation causes a significant ammount of disorientation and may result in serial pet murder and/or runing to the arms of the sweet salvia plant for relief.
I count my first world blessings that At I have a prescription the world's craziest legal drug, Ambien, to make the screaming stop long enough for me to get cooked and sleep well.
posted by The Doldroms at 4:31 PM
2 Comments:
That Malcolm X photo rules. You should read/listen to/watch some of his speeches. Have you read the autobiography as told to Alex Haley? You should.
Here's a good one, The Ballot or the Bullet. http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/malcolmxballotorbullet.htm
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