Dead People, Dead Presidents

While wasting time at work by perusing websites that infuriate me I stumbled across a news article about the Converse shoe company (who are now owned by Nike) and their hip new advertising campaign.

Maybe some of you remember the controversy last year when Doc Marten's (purveyors of footwear for fencewalking skinheads and nu-metal dudes) launched an ad campaign that featured dead rock stars sporting their weirs.

If I remember correctly the ads in question showed Joey Ramone, Kurt Cobain, and Joe Strummer (amongst others) lounging in heaven decked out in white robes and black docs. Well, the geniuses at Doc Marten's Inc, or whatever conglomerate bought them out in the 90s in the wake of the psychobilly craze, forgot to get permission from the estate of the dead rockers in question. Oopsie!

Now, Converse, the footwear of choice for Screeching Weasel fans and dudes who "don't fuck guys, but would totally fuck Billie Joe Armstrong if he offered", have rolled out their new ad campaign. And, surprise, it once again features a whole bunch of cool dead people who couldn't say no, along with some modern pop stars that love sweatshops.

One of these corpses is supposedly Joy Division's Ian Curtis, another is The Sex Pistols non-bass playing "bad boy" Sid Vicious, and my personal favorite is drug addled yet brilliant author/Gonzo journalist Hunter S Thompson. These folks are linked with current "agitators" like Karen O from The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs, MIA, and (get your boner ready Lookout Records fanboys) Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong.

In case it got muddled under all my ranting and raving, my problem with this bullshit is using dead people in advertising. Do you honestly think Hunter Thompson (who seemingly had a problem with everything, even the sad shell of a life he'd unfortunately grown into) and fucking Ian Curtis would choose to hock some sneaker that has long since lost its significance in the "punk scene"... almost as much as the punk scene has lost significance itself?

Sure, Hunter might have hocked for Smith and Wesson, or some distillery, but I highly doubt his crazy ass would sign off on this corporate trying to be contemporary bullshit. As for Ian Curtis, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just don't want to believe that the guy responsible for songs like Transmission wouldn't appear in a lame ad like this.

Maybe I'm being an unrealistic asshole, maybe... Maybe if Vans backed up a dump truck of money up to my door to use my likeness or my dad's I might cave. But fuck that! It's my column and I can be as self righteous and judgmental as I want! Fuck converse and all of these people and their money grubbing children. "Fuck them in their stupid asses".

I'll tell you this much...If my shit-eating children do this to me after I'm dead then zombie-me is going to kick down their door, eat their fucking dog, take a shit on the living room floor and then wipe my undead-ass with their Slayer wall tapestry... and I have no doubt that through their tears they will express their love and respect for my hilariously disturbing reaction.